Tired

There is good tired and bad tired. No, I’m not trying to assign false value to exhaustion! I just think it can feel very different, given its cause.

First, to bad tired: this is the fatigue that sets in when I feel depleted of energy and mental space, when I feel drained of spirit, when my limbs feel leaden and stiff. It’s often the result of forced or joyless activity, or tremendous emotional strain, or unwanted constraints. Quarantine would be the perfect example of a source of bad tired.

Then there is good tired. Good tired feels like a pleasant and welcome weight to the body, the warmth and expansion of muscles well-used, the peace of a mind that has been quietly focused on joyful activity for many hours.

Good tired follows a leisurely three-hour bike ride with close friends, on the beautiful trails of the Bay Area, which I am lucky enough to call home.

As much as I am tired of the awful situation in which the world and humankind now finds itself, I know how unbelievably fortunate I am to have this natural beauty surrounding me, to have these loving friends, to have the physical ability to spend an afternoon tooling around on my bike. I’ve been feeling despondent lately, but my fatigue this evening has been a tangible reminder that life goes on, and that joy is possible.

Has joy been harder to come by lately? Do you find it in different things than before?

My task: spend an evening away from my laptop. I’ve been here pretty constantly – blogging, writing, editing videos, working on graphic design – and I need a break. I’ve promised myself some reading tonight, and I’ll check back in tomorrow to let you know if this is (done!)

One thought on “Tired

  1. “Has joy been harder to come by lately? Do you find it in different things than before?”
    I recopied the text that I’ve written yesterday evening when I came back home from the job. I was using my wife’s MacBook Air laptop and I pressed on the erased key. Geez! I was more used with my old MacBook Pro. As the proverb in French from Boilau says: “20 fois sur le métier remettez votre ouvrage” which means basically “20 times on the job present again your work.”
    As everyone my joy has been harder to come lately with this covid-19 although I tried to get as much little moment of joy that I can. For sure I find it in different things than before.
    I am unfortunately seeing covid-19 patients who are passing away on a daily basis at home. I was listening my Ennio Morricone’s cd in my gray little hatchback Toyota Yaris (that I called “Choupette” -> she is like my ‘Chitty chitty Bang Bang’) in between 2 home visits. This was another joy moment. I forgot that I’ve been putting the volume a little too high. I was inspired by the spring time and was listening to “The Mission”. On the red light (2 young ladies in their early 20’s came toward me for asking me was was the name of that beautiful music scores). It was a bit awkward but funny at the same time. Then the light turned green again. I put my car on the hazard about 20 feet upper and gave them the info. They were pleased. I guess I did my good action of the day. Another little moment of joy.
    After I went to a municipal parking just in front of the St-Laurence river. I took my laptop, brought it with me and I wrote some of my legal notes sitting on the grass. Another little joy moment. I also had more ideas for our beloved Maestra that I’ve written on a paper.
    When I came back at my home in Vaudreuil-Dorion (in direction of Ottawa) I then saw the bikes’ picture of you guys. I thought Maestra Sarah decided to talk about bike tires on her post. I then realized it was about being tired (good and bad one). I was tire(d) myself I guess. Ha!Ha!Ha!
    San Francisco is such a beautiful and a mythical place where to be. I’ve never been there but some pictures are in our collective memories (The golden Gate, cable cars, these little Victorian house, …). While you were seing the Pacific Ocean throughout the bay I was seeing the St-Laurence river on the other end. Both places are beautiful but it is always a bad thing to compare cities. Each city (Copenhagen, San Francisco, Tokyo, Turin, Montréal, Paris,…) has her own beauties.
    RESILIENCE is the key work that will always be a tool for me forever (well, for the rest of my life).
    Merci Boris! You inspire me everyday! You know that you’ve changed the world forever for good with your concept. Dr Cyrulnik, you Rock! Sarah too!

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