Pre-quarantine, my Sundays were usually transit days, where I was flying back home from a gig that week. Sometimes I would have a matinee on Sunday, which means I would leave after the concert, on an evening flight. And other times, I would be flying out on Sunday morning because my last concert was on Saturday night.

Today I had idly gone over to the alarm on my phone (I really haven’t had to use my alarm these last 6 weeks) and saw the last one I had set. Yes that’s 3:30 am, so I could make a 6 am flight. My concert had ended at 10:15 the night before.

In the thick of my busiest times, this would just be another Sunday morning, underslept and cranky, dragging myself to the airport to get home. Often I would be leaving again on Tuesday morning for another set of concerts somewhere else.

Seven weeks into quarantine (and no work), I can both remember exactly how those 4 am lobby calls felt, yet at the same time feel like they are a distant memory. It’s remarkable that something can feel so close in time, yet so far away at the same time.

I can’t say I ever enjoyed those crack-of-dawn flights, or the incessant jet lag that accompanied by schedule, but seeing this alarm gave me a sense of vague nostalgia, and an odd sadness. So I find myself longing for something, yet also realizing the exhaustion it caused.

It has taken me a long time to be able to accept duality and the possibility that I can hold two opposing forces or feelings inside me. They need not be mutually exclusive; they can both co-exist, even if they aren’t at all in harmony.

It’s an idea I initially thought was confoundingly complex, but have realized is utterly simple. It doesn’t matter that things seem dialectically opposed to each other; if we can accept them both as part of us, they are simply…a part of us, nothing more, nothing less.

What complicated or opposing feelings do you experience?

My task today: spend some time with my brother and his family, who have returned to San Francisco from Florida, where they had been staying with my sister-in-law’s family (done!)

3 thoughts on “Timeless

  1. “What complicated or opposing feelings do you experience?”
    I almost never travel so I don’t experience any ‘décalage horaire (jet lag)’. Duality is the key work in your post, Sarah. My humble duality is to always remain calm on call even if I can be stressful inside. It’s like the duck you see calmly moving on the water but is paddling like crazy in the water.
    Accepting your duality makes you resilient and then in a better mindset to cope with it.


  2. Michael Black says:

    Very useful post Sarah. Life is change. We’re constantly in a state of flux as living beings. The key is adaptation. For everything there is a season.


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