I’m having one of those days where an underlying anxiety is rubbing against me, a pebble in a shoe that, though not painful, is a constant distraction and discomfort. Focusing on anything is a colossal effort and putting words to paper (metaphorically of course) feels like a monumental chore.
Anxiety, even that quiet, submerged kind, is exhausting. It’s spirit-sapping in the most elusive way, and I often don’t realize what’s going on until late in the day, when my tired body is ready to power down but my mind is still firing on all cylinders. I feel wired but completely out of focus.
Anyone who lives with an anxiety or panic disorder know this feeling, of being on the edge of something, hanging on by our fingernails. And since all energies are being funneled to that perceived threat to basic survival, there’s very little mental space to dedicate to anything else.
Which is all to say, I’m anxious today, and I would most likely be anxious even if we didn’t live in an uncertain and anxiety-filled time. And I have no comforting words to offer myself or to anyone. Except, perhaps, hang on, hang on. Breathe and be still.
Do you have a mantra you turn to when gripped by anxiety?
My task(s) today: finish a list of suggested edits for Act I of a score I’m reviewing on contract (done!). Loosen the grip on my mind enough to let me sleep tonight (working on it!)