Enough

The world feels bleak to me today. Bit by bit my work in the fall is officially being rescheduled or cancelled. I’m horrified and angered by the murder of George Floyd. My once carefree, athletic little dog is confined to his bed for the foreseeable future. Political leadership continues to spread outright lies on Twitter (although Twitter swung back.)

Pink believes in freedom of press BTW

Sometimes I just want to say, enough. Enough. I’ve had enough. The world is a mess even without this pandemic. I’m a mess. I’ve not been in a good mental space all day, and the continued cruelty and stupidity of what happens in the world feels overwhelming.

I know what you’re going to say. We need to practice gratitude. We need to look to a more long-term future. We should believe that these challenges will foment positive change and bring the world together. Life and music will return. Look at the bright side: your dog is alive. Hey, look, you can still pay rent, unlike some people we know.

And it’s not that any of these statements are unreasonable, or untrue. It’s just that sometimes, it doesn’t matter, because they don’t make me feel better right now.

I think it’s important to feel awful sometimes, to feel hopeless, to feel angry, to feel despondent. It’s important to understand that you don’t need to reason or cajole or meditate or whatever yourself out of those awful feelings. And we are often too eager to not fully engage in those uncomfortable emotions, eager to find ways to put them aside.

And this is what I want to say to you: sometimes it’s good to say, enough. I’ve had enough right now. To say, I don’t need you to tell me to look on the bright side, or that better days will come, or that I should be grateful. It’s OK to really sit in those awful feelings, and to feel angry and powerless. Because unless we can acknowledge their existence, recognize them as our own, and fully feel them, we can’t authentically be ourselves, we can’t authentically be human.

And when we can fully accept these feelings, we have the tools to be able to work through them, to work beyond them. And that’s a whole other post, and something I don’t want to write about right now.

Today I just want to say I feel deflated, and despondent, and that it’s ok.

11 thoughts on “Enough

  1. wbgleason says:

    You are right dear. No apologies necessary.

    So glad to see Pink. Hope he recovers soundly even if slowly. Lots of work done on him.

    It is really ugly here in Minneapolis as you no doubt know. You don’t want to see it. Many of my friends who are musicians have been kicked in the teeth.
    Hard to see since there are so many nice folks.
    My best regards. Bill Gleason

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    1. chefdorch says:

      I’m heartbroken by what’s happening in Minneapolis. It’s been challenging to believe in humanity these days.

      Like

  2. Robert says:

    Can there ever be a ‘ New Eden ‘ !
    A place where peace and harmony flourish, and where everyone behaves as God intended, recipient of his ‘word’.
    We are made in the likeness his presence, man and woman.
    He was pleased with his work, he seen that it was good. He rested.
    Till Sin & corruption consumed the Earth, darkness & despair entered in over the land.
    Forty day’s and forty night’s the torrent of water fell from the Sky, to cleanse the World of all it’s shame. For Us to start again !
    Praise me with song, sing his glory.
    Rejoice in his Wisdom, with trumpets, harp and psaltery.
    If Music be the food of love,play on !
    Since time immemorial and beyond.
    It’s oft’ been cited, prophesized even, that the human condition falls short of the Glory of God’s intended hope for us !
    Are we a species with amnesia !
    Forgetting all too easily, that We are in this together !
    That such differences between our fellow man and woman exists to such an extent, that which has brought us to where we are today !
    All the transition from being content and satisfying, to one where money and materialistic commodities govern one’s own personality !
    Where man’s inhumanity to man, and the Natural World, embellish and taint our otherwise Good that’s in our hearts and minds and souls !
    There are few and far between unique and special genuinely humane talents humanity has to offer, not only to the world, but throughout the Universe !
    Music is one.
    Whatever is in store for the future of the World we live in, and ourselves.
    Amongst the unrest and unease, problems and hopeful solutions.
    We should remember one sobering thought. ” The World and everything on it & beyond is Finite ” .
    Things are very, very delicately balanced.
    Doing good works make up the majority of our achievements and aspirations, both for ourselves and our family, as well as for future generations to come !
    Take pride in yourself and others for doing this, and embracing you’re opportunity to work and heal our plight.
    Be more like Pinkerton 🙏
    Without any malice and more content within ourselves.
    And we might just be okay !…

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    1. chefdorch says:

      Wonderful words. I firmly believe in the ties that bind all of us together, I can only hope that there are more people like me than those who foment hate and division.

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  3. Hi Sarah.
    You’ve written something that resonates in me. “It’s OK to really sit in those awful feelings, and to feel angry and powerless. Because unless we can acknowledge their existence, recognize them as our own… we can’t authentically be human.” We say in French ‘Il faut vivre ses émotions.’. In other words, we must live our emotions. Dr Boris Cyrulnik (the French neuro psychiatrist) would be agree. He said almost the same thing in one of his books. In this worlwide ‘paraître (showing off) society’ where we live in, we’re supposed to remain in phasis with the ‘Everything will be all right ! (Ça va bien aller !)’. Some of the young children (4-7 years old) from my colleagues sketched this rainbow with this writing just below it. They put it at some places where we work. It’s cute and we need positive thinking. That being said I never believed in ‘Wishful Thinking’. We must remain lucid to bring new concepts, paradigms, … Where I work there is a man, on the other side of the street, who put a huge banner on his 3rd flood apartment balcony. This balcony gives on a busy street and from my office at the Health Centre we can see it. It is written ‘Ça va pas bien allez ! (It’s not gonna be fine ! – he sketches 2 light strikes on each side). His banner has been removed 2-3 weeks later. By himself?
    My thoughts are with the family of the poor Human Being in Minneapolis.

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      1. Hopefully. It’s minus 3 minutes before midnight as some specialists said since more than a decade now. Sometimes I wonder if it is not 3 minutes past midnight and if we’re collectively in denial.

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