I’ve always been a Type A kind of personality.
So you can imagine that lockdown has been a particular challenge for me, and for everyone else who feels the need to be doing, going, making and moving all the time.
And now, given my unexpected lack of schedule – no deadlines! no external motivation! – I find myself somehow busier than ever, creating projects, following every idea I have, spending hours learning new skills, poring over every other artist’s social media feed and wondering if I’m doing enough.
When I was on the road for 70% of the year I felt constantly harried; it seemed that I barely had time to do anything but to get through the concert/flight/meeting/study session in front of me. Life felt like constant triage.
And the last week or two, I’ve started feeling the same, mid-quarantine.
I always tell myself that I can’t do everything (no-one can! I tell myself), but I suspect that deep down, I feel like I can. Or that I should be able to. And that’s not possible, of course.
I’ve been reading a lot about lessons learned when life suddenly needs to slow down, and it doesn’t seem to reflect my reality, and maybe that should be a reminder to me. Because that constantly harried feeling was…awful. And I don’t need to be making myself feel awful.
It’s Saturday and I’m tired, because I’ve been trying to do everything all week. It’s time to take a break.
Do you create activity for yourself constantly? Or are you able to find ways to slow down?
My task: take a step back. Don’t work on a project tonight. Turn off the computer. Have a glass of wine and curl up on the couch. I’ll report back tomorrow (not done!)