In a rehearsal today for concerts this weekend, I experienced a bit of unpleasantness – I was having a back and forth with the orchestra about the utility of using clicktracks (a not-terribly-interesting technical conversation I won’t bother you with), and a player took the opportunity of this exchange to air a grievance that felt directed towards me (“so how are we supposed to play together”?).

I don’t think it really was directed at me, but I suppose that’s besides the point.

As a conductor, assumption number one is that no matter how proficient you are, you’ll come across people who don’t like what you do. And there will always be people who just don’t like you, period, because that’s life. When what sounds like a criticism is vocalized, the challenge for a conductor (or anyone in a leadership role) is to give it some air, find the solution, and move on.

One of the most important skills I’ve cultivated over the years is the ability to not take things personally when I’m on the podium. There are so many dynamics at play, so many variables – how tired the orchestra is, how unfamiliar the music might be, what has been going on in the lives of musicians both individually and collectively – artists can be sensitive creatures, and occasionally a not-so-kind word or a sharply-phrased question will be thrown my way. The trick to it all is to approach those situations simply as issues to be solved, and not take them as some sort of personal affront.

It’s a useful skill in the rest of life as well, and one that’s saved me a great deal of grief. Because, in my experience, when people lash out at you, it’s quite often more indicative of a conflict or difficulty going on within themselves. I’ve learned to approach moments like that with the perspective of “I’m sorry you feel that way, how can we make the situation better for you?”, rather than “I can’t believe you just said that to me”.

In the case of this musician, it seemed like they just wanted to assert their own relevance/importance in a bit of intra-organizational posturing. My choices were to be personally offended/injured, or to assume something was going on in their lives to cause them to act in the way they did; I went with the latter. Because, most often, it’s not about me.