If I had to rate today it would be well below average. Like, a C- (for those non-American readers that’s a just-barely-passing grade).

I woke up today with a vaguely claustrophobic feeling of being stuck somewhere I didn’t want to be, and that sense of malaise has followed me all day. So today it’s hard to write, that’s when it’s important to write.

I’m half Japanese – I was actually born in Tokyo, where my mother’s family lives – and was raised with a strong sense of its culture. The Japanese tend to be a stoic people, and that stoicism has often served me well. There’s a fantastic Japanese phrase, しょうがない, shouganai, which means roughly “there’s no way”, and the very ambiguity of it leads to countless usages. And although it’s usually used in unpleasant situations, in many ways it has a neutral connotation, resigned but willing to work with the reality at hand.

Today I looked at the world and thought, shouganai, and went on with my day as best as I could. Whereas the Western temperament might shun any sense of hopelessness, the Japanese character is one that would accept it as a state of things and keep going despite it. As I said, stoic.

So, today, that’s all I’ve got for you. I’m in a rough spot but I’m willing to accept it (both the state of the world and my perception of it) and keep plodding forward both because of and in spite of it.

My question to you today: if “there’s no way”, how do you create a way?

And my task: spend at least a few hours doing some music review work, even if I don’t know when it will be performed (done!)

Hoping that tomorrow might find me in a better state.

8 thoughts on “C-

  1. Michel Ezanno says:

    Reading you on my Ipad, every day, in Brittany, west of France. I appreciate your words. Take care Sarah, and stay safe. ❤️


  2. Sarah, I am really appreciating your honest descriptions of vulnerability. My answer to your question: When there’s no way, I hunker down, breathe and wait until there is one. Sounds too simple but it’s the only thing that’s worked for me so far.
    And as far as my units go… on my work days, it goes like this:
    1. All the awesome stuff before the dreaded bathroom routine with 14 three-year-olds
    2. Fifteen minutes of hell and diaper changing
    3. All the awesome stuff after the dreaded bathroom routine
    That’s pretty much it. 🙂
    This blog is a good idea, I think. When I experienced terrifying panic attacks in college, reaching out to others was definitely the best thing for it. I remembering calling Devah once when she was at UCLA. Another time I called a radio station in the middle of the night and the DJ talked me down. I’ll bet that happens more than we think.
    Facetime has been my way of engaging my Dad, who is alone in his house in Hawai’i. Happy to facetime with you if you ever want to. 🙂
    Sending hugs and support.
    xo Liana (Cosgrove)


    1. chefdorch says:

      Your list of units made me laugh (much-needed laughter!). And yes, totally agreed about breathing and waiting until there is a way, which is what this period in history feels like for a lot of us. I’m so happy that we have things like FaceTime now to keep in touch with the ones we love no matter where they are. Might take you up on that offer, and always nice to feel connected, esp to my HI peeps!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. if “there’s no way”, how do you create a way? I like to read Michio Kaku, theoretical physicist and co-founder of the strings’ theory. He teaches in NYSU and he is good to put complex notions into perspective at a level where everyone can understand. He inspires for the future. Apparently time is an illusion (at a quantum level) and the time we know is a human mind construction to cope with space and time. Einstein was saying so and many other bright scientists (Werner Heisenberg, Neil Bohrs, Erwin Schrödenderg and so on). My favorite number is 8. I do create my way by thinking that our DNA looks like and 8. In the medical field the snakes that you see intertwining on the pole and that do represent that profession look like a 8. When you put down the number 8 from vertically to horizontally it becomes the symbol of Infinity. There seems be no beginning and no ending but just a flow of energy in space and time forever. It is not me who’s saying it but recent physicists. We still don’t understand time so far. So we must sometimes use our imagination to create our own way. Don’t ever give up, Maestra! I believe in your huge potential and the best is yet to come.


    1. chefdorch says:

      8 is my favorite number as well, because, as you mention, rotated 90 degrees it becomes infinity. You also reminded that
      I have an unread copy of “Physics of the Mind” sitting in a pile of other books I haven’t had the time to read. Maybe now is the time!

      Liked by 1 person

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